Elea Hofman...

The Corporeal.

2008-02-01T01:18:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I've made things up. How much of my world is reality? Have I invented people? If I stop talking to you will you disappear and cease to exist?
Furthermore, do I question the likeliness of a fantasy world because I believe it to be possible or because I wish it were possible?
Whenever asked if I could have any super power what would it be? My answer is always the ablity to transport anywhere instantly. This is because I regularly have the desire to escape. But you don't need to have super powers to escape the world you're in. You can quite simply choose your reality. People do this all the time - of course they get dumped in insane assylums but what does it matter...they can transport out of it.

Spoken Word

2007-12-02T19:04:00.000-05:00

Can we go back to the roof where I first felt your kiss of honesty trailing from lips like blossoms opening in the early spring?
A time when the tracks over my heart were soft footprints on sandy beaches and your hands touching my skin lit the stars to further luminance of the night.
And the possibilities were endless.
Back then I thought I'd found the virtues and softness of a cold exterior only to now be left with a voiceless, wordless hollow.
And in your memory I hope you feel my pain...
when you look up at a stary night...
when you walk into a room...
when your hands gently caress the edges of another woman's body.
And when you sleep - feel empty.
when you're walking down the street - feel alone.
And when your mind finally wakes up and walks over to your heart you will realize you were mistaken.
What was a temporary complication you thought you could throw away,
the heart you chewed up and spit out will have gathered itself together in a new array.
Once you've figured this out I will have moved.
The one last chance I still hold for you will fade,
And when the phone rings - I won't hear it. Your answer will be my silence.
Just as you turn from the door, the realization that you should have returned sooner will remind you of lies you fed instead of adoration.
And maybe you'll learn but it's doubtful.
Still, everyday I think of the tease in your kiss and wish I had the courage to admit I did nothing wrong.
But one day I'll see I spent my affection on someone soon forgotten
And the days that now pass dragging while I look for your face in the crowd will seem like nostalgic raindrops in puddles that dry up with the rise of a new sun.
And the regret of my past will be that I didn't leave you sooner or that I wish I could retrace this line back to where our shape began and recommission its direction to a happier ending.

if I could..

2007-11-24T00:54:00.000-05:00

I wonder if I could dream into a life of leaves that fall in Spring, hair that flows in the stillness, ants that crawl in lines of perfect unison, flowers that blossom while snow flakes dance arm in arm till they light on blades of grass.
I wonder if I could fathom an everlasting forest, a spice of hypnotizing aroma, a circle so round it cycles perfection, an air so pure it breathes enchantment.
I wonder if I could discover a hollow so deep it encompasses, water so clear it disappears, a rock so solid it breaks, and heat so warm it’s chilling.
I wonder if I could discover the root of righteousness, the tips of hatred, the end of love and the beginning of death.

2007-07-09T23:07:00.000-04:00

In light of the movie 28 Days, my hibiscus bloom plant became the representation of my life of relationships as of a year ago. This handsome plant has been nearly dead the last several months...a dramatized wilting of yellowed leaves. A few weeks ago I transplanted some ferns into my front flowerbed which wilted within two days and now reside on the dirt browning instead of upright and green. My conclusion has been that I should never touch another plant again because I kill them and I can only imagine what that says for my relationships.
In the last week however some exciting changes have occurred. With a little pruning the hibiscus is now riddled with blossoming leaves and blooms of soon to be fuchsia pink flowers. Yesterday, to my great surprise and relief, I discovered new fern shoots growing amidst the brown stems. New life has been discovered in a tragic landscape. Appropriately I have recently revised my social inclinations. Refusing to adhere to London's all too dramatic popularity points system of social structure, I have opted out of the party scene and begun a trail of casual hangouts with who I deem to be the creme of the crop.
It is wonderfully vibrant and green.

It must be spring...thoughts return.

2007-04-13T18:48:00.000-04:00

How do you connect with the old man on the bus with blood in his yellow matted beard - whose cigarette stained fingers with grated nails grip the pole after coughing germs on them that sound like tuberculosis?

Today I walked...and walked and walked. It was beautiful. The sun was shinning and the wind made me zip my favourite jacket up to the nose while plunging my hands deep into my pockets. I meandered through the residential streets...
...north along Waterloo St...let's take the senic route...
spa...past Queens Ave...already at Queens? that seemed fast [stop. copy a rental number]
spacespace...past Princess Ave [another rental number]...
spacespacespace...past Central Ave...I walked that this morning "Hi Jenni"...
spacespacespacespace...Hymen St...what an absurd name for a street, let's walk it...
spacespacespacespacespace...Richmond St...we meet again...
Goodbye St. Jo's...goodbye Cheapside St...how degrading...
space...Huron St...I wonder if that could take me to Huron - I doubt it...
....walk...walk...walk...
THE GATES...at last!...Stop. Wait...wait...wait too long for the bus...I should have continued walking.

Eyes Wide Open

2007-03-18T15:38:00.000-04:00

I recently saw an advertisement for a book called “Why Christian Kids Rebel” by Dr. Tim Kimmel. I haven’t read this book so this is in no way a slam against it or its author but here were my immediate thoughts:
Christian Kids don’t rebel – they try to breathe, to live.
It is a matter of suffocation and church bullshit. Somewhere along the way Christianity: the religion, decided it could pick and choose from Old Testament Law and New Testament Covenant to determine how “Christians” should act and be. The result has been the annihilation of experience and discovery. Children are given a tidy list of dos and don’ts and told what is good and what is evil, who they should accept and who they shouldn’t and most of all they are taught how to design and create a lovely, most beautiful mask to wear. They wear this mask everyday, most decoratively on Sundays. But eventually children become teenagers and teenagers become young adults. Mixed into that evolution is a moment where they realize they don’t like the mask so they take it off – if only at school. The light hits their sun-starved face with force but having felt its warmth they realize they hate the mask; they never want to wear it again. Now begins the journey of discovery and experience except it has come late and throws former layers of understanding into mass confusion.
The first line of the blurb beside the book title read:
“Do tattoos, rap music, multiple piercing, and weird hair mean your kids are hell-bound? Not necessarily, says Dr. Tim Kimmell.”
This is a most disgusting sentence. Why are these physical differences linked to rebellion, worse yet why do they imply someone is hell-bound? Since when did physical appearance and the state of one’s heart and soul become linked? Since when do we base entrance into heaven or hell the way we look – or even the way we act? The blurb went on to release a staggering fact that 90% of evangelical children leave the church after high school – most not returning. They leave because they are rejected. They leave because they see through the masks everyone else is wearing and don’t like what is there. Why should they stay? Maybe if the church returned to its purpose as a community for encouragement and the unification of believers in Christ, there would be a reason to stay.
The church has outlawed instead of loving great masses within today’s culture. [I could dive into that issue head first but not today]
Kids aren’t stupid and they aren’t out to destroy their parents’ lives. If they were allowed an environment condusive to discussion, honesty and vulnerability I think the supposed “rebels” wouldn’t seem so rebellious. Open up your eyes parents, open your eyes church – you don’t need some Dr. to tell you anything.

2007-03-08T23:46:00.000-05:00

Cirque du Soleil Quidam

This is the most beautiful artistic display of the human body I have ever seen.

Money can't buy you love...

2007-02-12T17:33:00.000-05:00

The following is my reaction to a Sex & Money article I happened to read in today’s London Free Press. Angered by the negative perceptions laid out by Valerie Gibson I wrote a letter to the editor against it…originally longer, I had to shorten it down to a meager 200 words [killer!].
Here it is:
To say the least I was extremely disappointed in Valerie Gibson’s article today. As a supposed voice of authority on sex and relationships she purely perpetuated the "manipulative," commercial aspect of Valentine's Day. Women desire genuine love - not expensive things; the two should not be equated and Valerie should be ashamed of proclaiming such fallacies. A “fully paid weekend away” is not how a man must prove his love in a long-term relationship. If he cannot afford that is he any less romantic or loving? No. In this materialistic, corporate controlled country people lack genuine affection. Spending loads of cash on cards and jewellery is not a prerequisite to love. Cards gushing with designs are not more meaningful [as she claims] than a simple one made and written from the heart. What happened to bundling up for romantic walks and hot cocoa? Perhaps this is cheesy in Valerie’s upshot world of money but I prefer some human quality than the disgusting money crazed notions she passes off as writing and advice. Valerie was only successful in degrading women as money grabbers and conning men into wasting money on thieving industries. Must every special occasion be a monopoly for consumerism?

Mallow Muck Memory

2007-02-08T00:06:00.000-05:00

Random Memory: I remember being in elementry school where someone introduced the idea of pinching marshmallows between your fingers until they became really gooey and malleable. Then we would eat them and they were so tasty - kind of like that marshmallow spread if anyone remembers that. It was kind of gross really because who knows if we always washed our hands before we mauled the thing and then of course our fingers were covered with white goo.
Anyway, I thought of that because there was a jar of mallows sitting on the kitchen counter as I waited for the kettle to boil - actually it sits there whether I'm waiting for the kettle to boil or not.

[Aside: NoTxt 8 is out - follow the link - once again I haven't checked it out yet...friggin' school work]

What does YOUR back door look like??

2007-02-06T22:58:00.000-05:00

The idea of being an independant adult is excitingly filled with options and yet there is a surreal aspect in it that is exotic but frightening. I've been living on my own for two years now - it's wonderful. I love the freedom to live my life in a method that suits my idiosyncasies, cooking my own food and coming and going as I please. Tonight a friend asked me my plans for after University. As I casually threw around my ideas I realized how big they were! Taking a step back they nearly seem outlandish and extravagant and yet there is not a thought in me that I would not be able to do them. Perhaps that is the beauty of being young and eager but I intend to do whatever I feel led on. So the reality is that after University you just may find me in the NWT working in the bitter cold of an Inuit community, Africa working with AIDS relief or teaching English, Toronto working at some job or still kicking around London doing who knows what. The point is the world is our back door at this age. I intend take full advantage of that.
BAM!

Their Eyes Were Watching God

2007-02-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

"Have de nerve tuh say whut you mean." ~ Zora Neale Hurston

Queen of her own Kingdom

2007-01-30T15:57:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like a Student Lounge to draw out social elitism. The SAC at Western posesses an interesting ability to accomodate various social sectors. Unlike the KAT [reserved for only a particular breed] it has its moments of popularity. Today - in fact at this very moment - I have the likely pleasure of observing the misfit dynamic. To the right are three boys sitting side by side, laptops open, eyes gluded to the screen and gamer music floating like a rain cloud above them. I can only assume this is some sort of "LAN party." To the left stand a group of girls - and one particularly geek-like boy - this is the group that has sparked my interest and drawn me away from the poetic study of Lord Tennyson and Elizabeth Barrett Browning [a shame I know - clearly an indication of my superior English major rank*].

This diverse collection of girls fancy themselves with being loud. One girl in particular yells across the room to a gaming boy "I don't like you anymore" response: "I don't like you either" - its good to know grade five made it to University! She walks down the length of the room, flicks him over the head with her scarf and casually stands with a friend further on. The goal here, I assume, is flirtatious. The friend is purely a convenient way to appear not to have walked all the way down the room only to flick a boy and be, in return, completely ignored by him. She should have known not to disturb him while gaming. This observation seems to indicate an attraction - an age old case of tease the one you're in love with - I don't think it generally works.
In the meantime, girl B teaches girl C [a chinese international student] the rules of piglatin. Another pasttime I thought had been left in grade five but apparently continues to make its presence felt. They laugh at this new language at volumes that imply some true hilarity. Girl A is done flirting [seeing her efforts fruitless] and returns to join the thrills of piglatin.
She is the leader of this group. Every movement she makes indicates her rank amoung them. When she moves position the eyes and bodies of the group turn with her. She includes geek-boy by leaning against him and tapping his head. In this kingdom she is popularity; she is Queen.
Amidst all this is the odd person passing the time until their next class. The girl reading LSAT for Dummies, the boy intently reading and scratching away at papers. As for me, I sit here awaiting my own kingdom of friends to return. Most likely we are "cool" to some and "losers" to others; but in our own sphere of interests we reign. And here comes one now...

*this is more of a sarcastic self-flattery

Passing...

2007-01-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

I recently read Nella Larson's book that explores the issue of passing. The term literally refers to Black people "passing" as white people and whites as black - an occurance that increased with mixing. More than race though, the book discusses how the characters passed in so many areas of their life: mothers passing as childless, passing as heterosexual, passing as American. The result is a state of tension of being "inbetween." We can call it "passing" but its just the same as being "two-faced" or "lukewarm." Life seems to be a wall of masks at times; for every situation we pick a different mask to wear. The problem with this is a superficiality that doesn't suit our desire for something genuine and true. Every area of life seems to have knockoffs...friendships, religion, fashion..you name and there is a fake version. Thus I think we are left constantly searching for something "real."
Naturally I got to thinking about my own life and the ways I "pass" as one thing or another. It is difficult to be pulled in two directions but I think it can be part of immerging as your true self. Still at other times it is the tension between what I want and what I ought.
The simple truth is that one time or another we all put on a mask. Sometimes it takes serious talent to wear the mask convincingly but I don't think it is always wrong.
I'm not really sure how to end this post...maybe it doesn't

A virtual world

2007-01-18T21:22:00.000-05:00

This has been a boring destination lately...what can I say? My life isn't necessarily boring right now just intellectually lacking it's usual stimulation. Tuesday was my birthday - that was a rather interesting experience with the relatively recent introduction of Facebook in my life. It's amazing how many random "Happy Birthday" wishes I received as a result of Facebook proclaiming the advent of my birth far and wide. It was quite nice though! Sometimes I wonder if my involvement in the internet subculture of blogs, myspace, facebook, msn...etc is "immature". It's funny to think of adults entertaining themselves through these means and yet presumably my age bracket is considered adult. So, I am only lead to think that eventually we will tire of such internet junkie behaviour or the perception of adult is rapidly changing. I suppose the other option is to deny "growing up" but we all know how annoying those adults can be. That's not to say don't be youthful and have fun but responsibility is oddly enough a good thing. You get what I'm saying...not need to over expand.

Back to Basics

2007-01-09T09:10:00.000-05:00

Well it's back to school again. I woke up to a couple centimeters of snow...something I was not expecting so I scrambled to get ready so I could catch the early bus in the event that things were running slowly - they weren't. I thought it was all for nothing and I'd just scarificed a shower for standing around in the hallway for half an hour. As I walked into school I saw a woman standing at the top of Western hill with a map in her hand and looking out competely confused. So I hollered, "what are you looking for?" She was trying to find a rather obscure building that I happened to know so I was able to direct her. As I walked away I realized that little encounter made leaving early worth it. To be able to offer help to someone is part of what life is all about. Perhaps I made her day a little better or restored her faith in humanity...whatever the case it felt good to extend a hand.

Behind the Mask

2006-12-19T23:55:00.000-05:00

Dates with Jenna Kessler are often my favourite. Tonight we went to a place called Sky Dragon in Hamilton. It was a terrific musical experience, the concept is an absolute open forum of sound and self expression. Everyone is invited to participate so before we knew it Jenna and I were drawn into the circle of sound; contributing vocals and various procussion instruments to the mix. It was a unique cohesion of individual radience.
There was also a guy there who had a face mask on - the kind a doctor might wear. At first the sight of something like that on someone wearing mostly black and with black hair covering much of their face can be slightly alarming or written off as another anarchist punk kid. But I was really intrigued by it. At first I thought maybe he [actually for a while I thought it was a she...] was trying to make a statement - "the world is contaminated" "I am contaminated" - I don't know, some kind of rejection. Then I thought maybe he has a contagious illness that he is courteous enough not to share. As the night carried on and we all created music together I discovered some of his character through his musical expression. By the end of the night I really wanted to see the face hidden by this mask. It was highly intriguing. Of course I never saw his face but I did hear his voice when we said bye. I think in some strange way I was attracted to him despite the mask - perhaps it was just curiousity. It made me think of the various head coverings some women wear. I see how there is an attraction and intrigue to be found in them. It was a really great experience in general; I'm hoping to find something like this in London.

Take a break...flip through Notxt

2006-12-09T13:22:00.000-05:00

Just to let you all know, Notxt Magazine #7 is out so you should check it out [see sidebar for link] I haven't had a chance to look at it myself [exam tonight!] but #6 was stellar so you should take a spy at that too! Make it a nice break from your essays and exam study!!
Let me know what you think!

Also wondering if anyone has switched to the beta blogger version - is it worth it? Will it destroy all my template enhancements?

Forbidden.

2006-12-08T20:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes there are things I'd like to say but I can't.

Step out of your comfort zone!!

2006-12-06T19:11:00.000-05:00

The greatest thing happened today!! There were about 6 people giving out FREE HUGS on the main campus near the UCC. It was so exciting; I couldn't help but smile the rest of the way to class! They had carboard signs and t-shirts with "FREE HUGS" written on them and they were so happy - bouncing around asking everyone if they wanted a free hug. I GOT ONE! I love it. I think it is one of the greatest concepts I've seen because it breaks down so many social barriers that shouldn't be there. People are meant to interact they shouldn't be afraid of each other or avoid contact all the time. I love that this was a bunch of strangers giving strangers hugs. People need to reach out to each other more. There is so much hurt in this world, you never know what a smile or casual converstation might do for someone - or what it could do for yourself. We've become an ipod generation. Everyone walks around with earphones on - I am a music junkie so I understand the love affair with music but if you always have tunes pumping in your ears you block out so many opportunities to talk with someone new, to have a human interaction. I would encourage everyone to look for ways to talk to someone you don't know - this is soo easy if you take the bus. You'll be surprised, people are more interested in talking than you think.

Pick a Colour!

2006-12-02T18:50:00.000-05:00

I might actually be brilliant. I cracked the system for colour codings in Blogger templates today. [Maybe some of you computer geeks already knew how to do this but I'm working off a knowledge base of grade 9 computer graphics - which didn't include a list of colour codes] So...I can pretty much figure out any colour; seriously we're talking every hue. You may notice I changed a couple of the colours on this blog - it's still boring but when I get these essays and exams done I will liven this sucker up for real!

[aside] Hannah, since I know you're eager to modify your blogging look I would be willing to trade quality time for my computer programing brilliance over the holidays.

ps. I think I've fallen in love with John Keats. Too bad he's dead.

They run riot.

2006-11-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I have some psychological disruption - that I'm crazy.
Perhaps that's absurd.
Maybe I could Romanticize that and become the deranged yet brilliant "suffering writer."
Or maybe this is just a product of tensions in my head.
Tensions I don't really understand.
They scream to escape my mind but I just don't know how to release them.
I should write a novel
...or build castles in Spain.

2006-11-28T19:15:00.000-05:00

Check out the confidence of this man...

"Have you never by being surprised with an old Melody - in a delicious place - by a delicious voice, felt over again your very speculations and surmises at the time it first operated on your soul - do you not remember forming to youself the singer's face more beautiful that it was possible and yet with the elevation of the Moment you did not think so - even then you were mounted on the Wings of Imagination so high - that the Prototype must be here after - that delicious face you will see - What a time!" ~ John Keats [Letter to Benjamin Bailey]

How have we fallen into an age where so few people demonstrate this kind of passion?
Keats is brilliant, he understood the desire to escape and the necessity to embrace and celebrate troubles as the part of life which enables the good. Ironically at the end of this letter he says these lines, which I love...

On the topic of Misfortune..."Well it cannot be helped. - he will have the
pleasure of trying the resources of his spirit...should you observe any thing
cold in me not to put it to the account of heartlessness but abstraction - for I
assure you I sometimes feel not the influence of a Passion or Affection during a
whole week - and so long this sometimes continues that I begin to suspect myself
and the genuiness of my feelings at other times - thinking them a few barren
Tragedy-tears" ~ John Keats

I think I could go on and on about this man...

Concert Anyone??

2006-11-22T17:59:00.000-05:00

You may have seen my myspace bulletin but I thought I'd cover the blogger world too!

Hey Everyone,
Just wondering if anyone wants to hit the Tokyo Police Club concert on Dec. 2. It's only $10 advanced tickets or $12 at the door. Venue: The Horseshoe Tavern [Queen/Spadina] TPC's myspace says it starts 8pm but the Tavern website says differently.
So, I'm a little confused but that's not beyond figuring out.
I haven't heard them live before but it could be a fun/cheap concert.

MORE EXCITING THAN THAT...I want to go to the OK Go concert on March 31. I realize that is still a ways away but THAT would be an incredible concert. If you don't know this band you need to check them out - they have the greatest music videos ever.
Here's a youtube link to them:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NINJQ5LRh-0
Oh and they are playing with Snow Patrol - a little mainstream but still so good.
Tickets are $40 - that's a little less student friendly but...whatever we all have OSAP right?!

SO...message me if you want to go either of these!

much love
Elea xoxo

The things I cannot change

2006-11-20T02:45:00.000-05:00

As I held the strong grip of my 92 year old great-uncle Fred's hand, I found myself admitting "I have a real issue with growing old Uncle Fred; I'm not comfortable with that idea and I don't know how to deal with it."
He turned to me and said, "I'm there, honey."

It is such a simplistic answer and yet, as is usual with Fred Underhill, contains great wisdom. I might not like the idea of growing old and being alone or the fact that I will eventually feel the overwhelming sense of fragility and vulnerability that old age brings, but I cannot stop or reverse the process. One day I will be there too. We can't prevent these things from happening but we can choose how we approach them and determine how we are impacted by them.
My Uncle happens to be unfathomably strong and able for his age - of course it is a direct result of his physical maintenance and the grace of God. Still, beneath the wit of his response is a truth that I should embrace the reality of life with a positive spirit and determined attitude to be satisfied in being "there."
I think this applies to so much more than old age. Life is a process of learning. In this season of my life I find I am learning so much in so many areas of life that I am in awe.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

It has become a cliche but this prayer couldn't be more fitting in our lives!

Consciously Aware of Me

2006-11-16T00:01:00.000-05:00

Normally I take great pleasure from the nature surrounding me on my journey home. I like the sound of the rain tapping on the bus shelter, the way the leaves tickle the sidewalk, the sound of plump squirrels rustling in the bushes. But today I was put off by some frustrations at school and found myself in a sour mood. I became consciously aware that none of these usual things could lighten my mood. The bus seemed to take forever and as always was not coordinated well. This agitated me even more. On the last stretch of walk my home [in the rain of course] I became additionally aware that I would not even talk to myself. In any other mood I and myself will discuss the issues - one will rant and want to swear her head off in anger or smile in excitement and the other will point out alternative approaches - trying to add balance or ways of seeing the situation..or just join in on the ranting or happiness. But tonight I could or would not respond. Why was I so put off? Talk to me. But I did not respond. Not a word. There was nothing to say. It was very interesting to observe all of this.

And no, I am not a schizophrenic - this is just the way I operate, process and entertain myself to pass the time.

It almost seemed as if there was a choice though. I stopped to listen to the rain tapping but would not be amused - or was it could not. Part of me was trying to say I had chosen my sour mood and could choose to snap out of it. But the other part of me seemed to disagree; unable to do it. Much of life seems to be a choice but how much of it really is? The conflict of choices is always in my head. Some issues it matters what you choose and others it doesn't. I suppose as long as we know the difference it is okay.

My thoughts of late...

2006-11-08T23:44:00.000-05:00

Is it okay to lie to yourself if you think it will save you?

The world is self-destructing because of greed and the desire for more. Obliterate this and the poverty crisis, disease epidemics, crime, government corruption and most of the other world problems go with it.

I avoid dealing with things emotionally by saying "I just don't cry" or "I'm just not emotional" but I think I am secretly stacking them all up in a neat pile at the bottom of my soul...I'm afraid one day they will surface and I'll have no choice but to let them trample all the defensives I've built over the last 7 or so years.

I hate the thought of being old one day - I'd rather die young than be old, alone and unable to really live...but that is just selfish isn't it?

Goodbye

2006-11-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, November 7, 2006 @ 7:00pm Grandma Helen McLean died.

She lived 92 years of life; facing the blows life sent her and never doubting the wonderous, immediate presence of God. Always strong and fighting to the end. Always with a prayer on her lips and a laugh in the sparkling of her eyes.

We'll miss you Grams, I'm glad you've finally gone to the home you've longed for since childhood.

Suspended

2006-11-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

It has occured to me that I am held at the mercy of the male mind.
I've never considered myself to be particularly oppressed by our patriarchal male society. Neither am I a feminist to any significant extent. But I have come to realize that since so much of my life and future must revolve around and depend on a man, I am inevitably under his will. I suppose there is a level on which I can choose to be the mover instead of the moved but it is not in my nature to be that way. I am hopelessly traditional when it comes to the male-female relationship, for the most part anyway.
The acknowledgement of this on a conscious level is somewhat troubling.
Solace can be found in God's divine design for men and women. But this is still dependant on people fulfilling their roles.
That is why men, you must be righteous before God, so that women, in submitting to men are not oppressed but liberated. It is a delicate balance of men submitting to God and loving women as Christ loved the Church; in turn women can have no difficulty in submitting to men because it is submission to a vessel of God.
Still, I find myself suspended in a man's episteme.

"Trying to get myself from this stain"

2006-11-05T23:56:00.000-05:00

I've been working on a post that arose last week - something I think you will enjoy but for now I leave you with the lyrical brilliance of Coheed and Cambria's song, Camouflage:

Home whispers words
And the bullseye smote the honest
Before the hunt, I feel I'm getting used to them
Tired from the effects from memory
Fluttering relapse
Sparks of sudden interest and truth

Trying to get myself from this stain!
Begins to multiply, whoa!
We echo through this song
Yes, and in its words, I'll rise!

But yes, I caught this stain!
Begins to multiply, whoa!
We echo through this song
Yes, and in its words I'll rise!

Can you see what you cannot have?
Which in all honesty
You may think you do, but you don't
Question, question: Love?

I wouldn't give you the time of day!

Like I said
Pinging in the same tone of voice
Can you hear me in this sound?
Sound..

Yes, I caught this stain!
Begins to multiply, whoa!
We echo through this song
Yes, and in its words, I'll rise [repeat]

I wish you'd leave me alone!

In all our consciousness
I come pummel you down
Inspire thought unconsciously
Why can't you bring it?
Bring back in each mistake
I begin a lie
I wish that this lie...

Oh, what's the matter?

Born!
Yes, I told you what the f**k is all this s**t for?
(change my view) I could not lie to you [repeat]

"...vortex of musical fantasy" Did I just come up with that?!

2006-10-28T19:20:00.000-04:00

Today I stood outside for hours in the cold wind and rain. Why? There was an indie rock extravaganza happening in downtown London called LOLA Festival [London Ontario Live Arts]. There were a dozen bands set to play but I couldn't catch them all on account they started late [as gigs always do!] and it was so cold I was going to get sick - plus the paper I need to write. BUT, was it worth it? Heck yes! Every single bone attacking raindrop was worth it! Highlight: hearing the Hylozoists play live. Brilliant! There were also art displays to check out, live art and a DJ room where I caught a few guys breakdancing - sweetness! Of course I also purchased some bottled Hylozoists genius [their cd] and have a coupon with which I will purchase a little Tokyo Police Club.

The only thing I regretted was not bringing my sweet vintage camera - but I don't have a great case for it yet and since London has incessant torrential rain I didn't want to risk ruin.
Okay, I fear I have not adequately captured today with the sort of eloquence I had wished but suffice to say, had it been warmer I would have spent the day there and been swept away into a vortex of musical fantasy.

I pulled this off the net for your viewing pleasure

All in a Moment

2006-10-28T00:37:00.000-04:00

Somewhere along the way you make a decision that changes everything. You might not even realize you've done it but nothing can ever be the same as it was. Weeks, months, years - even a lifetime later you look back and suddenly see your "TSN turning point" replayed. It is amazing that a moment so definitive is just that - a moment. It passes you by, unawares. Something as simple as a casual encounter, missing your bus, walking on one side of the street instead of the other, taking a second glance. Or even if it is on a larger scale like the job you take, the club you join, the course you enroll, in the city you visit. You can't go back to reverse it, you can't control the outcome. Life seems to happen on us and yet all along it was you making the decisions.
While you might be thinking, Elea has had a moment of epiphany, I have not. It was the simple decision to listen to the song "Warning Against Judging a Christian Brother" by Hylozoists [a wonderful instrumental group] that suddenly spurred the thought.

April Jeffs...

2006-10-25T00:52:00.000-04:00

...I love her.

This past weekend Kyle and April drove to London just to see me and spend time together.

These are a few pictures which I believe adequately express that we truly are - Oxygen.

What have you done for me lately?

Too bad I don't write on intelligent matters!

2006-10-24T16:59:00.000-04:00

Funny - or rather absurd - that an institution known for its claim to bestow knowledge on eager young minds can lack intelligent design...sounds like I'm about to unveil some grand discover. Nope!
I'm talking about washrooms and clocks! The majestic institute we dub "Western" seems to have issues with clocks. From miles away you can view the grandiose clock tower of the Middlex building but step inside the various lounges and classrooms and they either don't exist or don't work. CHANGE THE BATTERIES...IT'S EASY!! There are moments when I need to know the time. Since I refuse to wear a watch I naturally expect every room in my University building to possess a clock to solve my problem. NOT the case. And it is annoying!
As for washrooms, maybe London girls are of a different breed but Western seems to think it is the men's washroom that should be situtated in the most convenient locations in edition to there being more of them. What happened to putting the women and men washrooms beside each other? No, instead I walk into a building and the first door I see says MEN, but I have to walk about the building looking for a women's washroom until I finally ask someone and they say, "I think there is one upstairs". A nearby gentlemen suggested just using the men's - I thought it best not to though...I was in the mathematics building - 'nuff said. UPSAIRS?? Not even down at the furthest point of the hallway like most building but an entirely different floor! Now boys, I'm sure you would all testify that you have or have had a girlfriend who tends to need a washroom before, after and several times inbetween any outing. So clearly, we need better access. Okay, I think I've made my point.
If I was a feminist I would blame this on our patriarchal society.and rant about that..but I'm not and it is more likely that people are just stupid.

Worth a Glance

2006-10-14T23:06:00.000-04:00

The last few months I've been checking out some really interesting sites and linking to all sorts of different artists. There is some unique and brilliant work happening out there and I think I'm going to start making you, the reader more aware of it!
In particular I've been visiting the Wooster Collective - a brilliant blog run by a couple who became acutely aware of street art after events of 911. They regularly compile street art that is happening mostly across Europe and the US. Visiting this site on a regular basis has really heightened my awareness of art in my own streets.
There are so many artists I'd love to share...hopefully I'll get around to them. Some sites I link to this blog on the bar. For instance Amnesty International France has done an excellent awareness campaign that is really worth checking out.
Another site worth checking out is a project called Little People Project . This artists creates hand painted minitures of people in all sorts of situations and sets them in the streets of London, England. He takes a close up and in context shot. Sometimes you can't even see the figures in the larger shot. Slinkachu was als0 featured in the 5th edition of Notxt Magazine.
AND... someone I was checking out today is Stephen Wiltshire. This man also from London, England is known as the "Human Camera". He can remember the most minute details of landscapes and then reproduce them in his drawings completely from memory. You can see his skill tested on YouTube. They gave him a 45min helicopter ride over Rome and then had him draw it in three days without a second glance. The man remembered everything from little winding roads to the number of columns in the Coliseum.
So if you're into it check some of this out and let me know what you think!

Recant?

2006-10-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

Am I allowed to recant?
Of course I can - this is my blog.
It would be great if I would just obey my own advice! I've been listening to Happy Hollow through head phones and not reading the lyrics. Much better! I always recommend people listen bands like Cursive [or any cd really] through headphones because it enables you to hear all the little sounds that other means tend to miss. BUT like an idiot, I listened through my computer speakers...ugh. So I recant okay!? The sound is much better, I can actually flow with it now - or "breathe" is the term I think I used last night. This doesn't change the story or fragmentation but the ampliphied sound has filled in the gaps that were lack last night.
Okay, so lessoned learned - I won't open my big mouth before I follow my own advice and listen to the cd at least twice...through my headphones. But I was distraught last night and this precious blogging site was a good release.

Anyone see this postsecret last week?

Happy Hollow

2006-10-12T21:30:00.000-04:00

It would seem I'm suddenly on a blogging frenzy but I am so frusterated at the moment and just have to get this out somewhere that other people can read it and either hate me for it or agree completely [of course there's always indifference but you don't count].

So, today I bought the new Cursive cd, Happy Hollow. I was very excited to listen to it because I absolutely love their previous album, The Ugly Organ. I mean, its incredible to the point I have listened to the entire thing at least 100 times. So I get home, place the cd neatly in the player, remove the cd pamphlet, expecting pure lyrical and musical brilliance...not the case.
Granted I only listened to it once through but here is the inital reaction:
It would seem they are having some sort of "God and religion are false and corrupt" period. It isn't screaming hate but they dance around biblical and church topics with an explicitly negative approach - I would say they were taught Catholic Religion not Christian Relationship and the result has been hurt and grudge. So, I don't like the story of the cd - largely because if is offensive to everything I believe.
Secondly, their music style has changed. The same unique flavour of The Ulgy Organ isn't there. It doesn't let you "sink" into the music...if you know what I mean. It is difficult to become part of the music because it is so fragmented. This can be a fantastic musical tool but here I feel like I can't really breathe; like they won't let me. Of course this sends a message too. It is almost like the fragmentation is an expressiong of continued confusion and disjointed opinion. Also disappointing is the loss of Tim Kasher's unique voice, it doesn't seem to frequent so much and makes the experience less enjoyable. You know when you love the sound of a particular musician's voice that is so recognizable and there are so many moments where you can say that sound is Adam Duritz or Claudio Sanchez or John Mayer...or whoever.

In the end I sort of want to return the cd...which is terribly disappointing and not permissable so I'll have to bring it into an exchange place.
Suffice to say, Happy Hollow is more hollow than happy. Part of me wishes I could explain real Christianity to the band and see them give God a second chance. Imagine what the next album could be.

Okay, point made.

"Something is not right"

2006-10-12T17:31:00.000-04:00

It snowed in London today AND I was successful in spending lots of money at the mall. What is going on in the world??

anyone know what the title is a quote from??

A Touch of Kairos

2006-10-11T23:37:00.000-04:00

Everything awakened in the christening of the sky, a flourish of emerald glitter mingled with the rich brown bark. Crystals of rain flattened the fallen leaves transforming the barren sidewalk into a mosaic of gold and rubies. There was a serenity in the tapping of droplets on raincoats as if they were tin roofs. In the struggle to walk against fierce wind and pelting rain the ill-prepared wanderers disguised a secret love for the inclimate situation they found themselves. Something about being caught up in the austere of nature made one recall their humanity. They were specks in the grand cosmos but participants nonetheless. Their only response was to thank the Creator.

Homecoming Frenzy in London

2006-09-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

Homecoming...I didn't attend. But I did ride the bus this evening and discovered I wouldn't want to be a bus driver on such an occassion! I lept into the bus out of the pouring rain to find 4 slightly drunk, rowdy 40-somethings on their way to a concert by "the best rock band ever" The Who. They spoke in loud "outdoor" voices about how loud they were being and reminisced past bar experiences...okay.
Nothing could have prepared me for the events following our arrival at transfer central. An entire dorm floor's worth of people piled onto the bus - all drunk. As is so often the case, drunk people are amusing and willing conversationalists. Things were off to a crowded but friendly start until from amidst the sardine can the words "he's going to throw up!" were hollered. Suddenly there was more room on the bus as every one pushed to get out of the way. For the next 20 min of my trip to "downtown London" there was barfed [presumably] wings on the floor, the windows had to be opened just to breathe and there was a drunk kid leaning far over the man sitting in front of me. No one could see through the foggy windows so the purple and white [Western Mustang colours] painted lad in the front took to yelling/singing out the next stop for everyone. This "next stop" call morphed into the whole bus chanting the Delaware Residence theme song, which basically consists of "DEL - A - WARE, DEL - A - WARE..." [They're a bright bunch.] After the Delaware res kids made their exit the chant morphed yet again into "drink more beer, drink more beer" - something I don't think they actually needed to do.
All in all it was an entertaining ride into the packed streets of London's rather small downtown. There will be some serious hangovers tomorrow!

Turning up Daisies...or just one

2006-09-26T16:06:00.000-04:00

“Daisy” the cat, or “Creepy” as I prefer to call her, seems to think that when I left for the weekend I had actually died and left her my bed. Despite my attempts at explaining the difference between feline and human AND the fact that I despise her fur remnants as a sleeping companion she continues to claim her inheritance. I have resorted to removing her from the premises but she still sits at my door – wait let me go check…
… Yep still there.
Here begins closing the door on departure!

Rejecting "The System"

2006-09-12T23:03:00.000-04:00

I've been struggling lately with my view of "the system" as it were. There is so much about University that frustrates me and goes against the grain of my inner desires for life. Sometimes I would like to just forget it all together. I would like to "rebel" against the expectations of our monotonous society. The only thing I see worth doing as, what one might call, a vocation is to experience God's unique creation in this world to the fullest. I want to see the world, meet new people, integrate into new cultures and contribute wherever I can. Instead I have to go to University. I suppose on some level it meets the criteria but not what I was thinking.
In struggling with this, my dad mentioned that this inclination to go against the status quo is not unlike Christ. Jesus went head first against his societal norms everyday. Thus I should be able to do that same right? Well not quite, I realized the whole story must be taken into account. For the first 33 yrs of his life, Christ grew up, studied and practised carpentry. Much of his being must have been screaming to do the real work of importance for which he was sent to earth. But Jesus had to be diligent in these less extravegant things first. So must I.

London Beginnings...

2006-09-08T23:40:00.000-04:00

Well, it's back to school and back to the wonders of the transit system. This year however all activites have been displaced slightly west to the city of London. Today is Friday and naturally all UWO students deem it necessary to get completely trashed. Thus, they have been boarding the buses with multiple LCBO bags. Fair enough. But you know it's the weekend when a couple of little old ladies board the bus one wearing a classic "trucker" hat and a bulky bag of booze on hand. Have a good one Ethel dear!
Another sign it's back to school is the hunks that board the bus covered in mud. Literally from head to toe. Today's hunk however was a proper lad. He realized his filthy state meant standing quietly in front of his seat rather than sitting in it. Lucky for me I had the pleasure of, what must have appeared as, stalking him. He got off at my stop and proceeded to take all my turns in the road, only ten feet ahead of me. Shocked that someone would lack any sort of stealth whatsoever [as I held no shame in going about my path to get home] he turned his head ever so much to the right or left pretending to look about his surroundings but really checking to see if I was there. He's probably at home right now writing a blog about how some creepy [outrageously attractive] girl followed him home and then disappeared. Unless of course he actually fulfills the jock stereotype and can't put a sentence together! Later Brad!

It gets tiresome...

2006-08-30T00:56:00.000-04:00

"In these words that crash my ears
I now stomach this in fear"

~Apollo I: The Writing Writer [C&C]

Consequences of Answering the Door Bell

2006-08-16T23:50:00.000-04:00

Jehovah's Witness ladies came calling at my door today. Since I'm a sucker for making people feel good I accepted a pamphlet on "Who will inherit the earth" and listened to her speech. Unfortunately she thinks I'm going to read it and be able to talk about it when she visits - "the next time she's in the neighbourhood". As annoying as we often think they are I have to give them credit for their witnessing efforts. Door-to-door evangelism is not easy, I've done it.

2006-08-04T00:08:00.000-04:00

The current Fawley circumstance is too good to be true. I fear that tragedy ensues.

Ridiculous Technology

2006-07-04T22:37:00.000-04:00

I saw an advertisement by msn messenger today that had a picture of a web came with the phrase "stop typing, start talking" beside it. So why not just pick up the phone? It seems communication has done a full circle except I think this is worse. Fat North America does not need another way to be more lazy and internet obsessed. Why should people pay the extra money for web cam setup only to sit in front of their computer and talk to someone over the internet. The average person has a cell phone and if not they at least have one mobile phone in their house. So multi-task. Don't sit at the computer and talk, use a phone and clean your room or something that needs doing. Maybe their idea is useful for cutting the cost of overseas phone conversations - but how many people do that?
My point is, there are better things to do than talk on a web cam over msn. Besides, looking at someone through those things gives me the creeps.

Shaping the Beginning for the End

2006-06-22T22:44:00.000-04:00

How would you like to be remembered?
What do you want your life to be charactized by?

I began thinking about these things during the funeral of my great aunt yesterday. The advantage of contemplating this now is that it presents the opportunity to shape my life and character in the direction I want it to end at. The question is not what do you want in life? It is who do you want to be in life? More importantly, who does God want me to be? Slowly these pieces come together. I don't think I need to have clear understanding of the what and where or when - just the who is good for now.

Getting back to Canadian Life!

2006-06-11T19:07:00.002-04:00

Elea Hofman has returned. Yes, the rumors are true. I can once again be spotted in the Burlington and Toronto regions! I actually arrived home on Wednesday but many things have happened since - and not happened.
What has NOT happened is the uploading of my pictures because my darn camera won't work properly. I have spent TWO days working on this problem and am rather frustrated but hopefully I can work that out soon and share some photos with you.
What HAS happened is a brick fell on my head! I KNOW! It's an absurd story but you can ask me about it in person. That was certainly a setback in trying to get rested and feel good!
In other news, yesterday was a terrific day! I attended the wedding of Mike Coles and Kirsten Litow - a lovely ceremony and time of fellowship; I think they will do well. PLUS, I got to see Meesh looking beautiful in the bridal party, and Matty H and Jon Gordon were there so I had a great time catching up with two of my favourite boys and I didn't have to be so AWKWARD not knowing anyone. It was also good to see the Whiting and Gordon families as always.
I also got to see my ROOMMATES!!! oh how I LOVE those girls!! We went to the good old Nashville North but I was feeling sick [partially on account of the headache from that brick!] So we went home early but then we went out to Demetries with some of the apartment boys and that was really fun.
To be honest, the whole day had me thinking of how much I am going to miss all my friends and the times of just randomly deciding to go out or have an adventure. I am excited for London and all the adventure that will bring, and of course I'll have my good friend Jon Eastman there. But I will miss you my friends! Don't forget me in London. There is room for visitors...I have a double bed...err there's a chesterfield!
BUT this is rambling of a sort, I try not to make these blogs a rerun of my days. So, if you are still reading at this point...
I had a really exciting experience in the MALL [oddly enough] when I went to get the wedding gift. If you know me, I hate with a capital H malls. They make me nervous and I just get frustrated and don't know what to do so I usually just run out...ANYWAY, I went to get this gift and began sharing what I had been doing in Africa with the clerk. Mid-way she said, "You know, I teach religion at a high school in Oakville. I would love for you to come in and speak to them about Africa." Wow. How awesome is that!? I really thought it was God bringing good out of a situation I didn't think I'd like. What a great opportunity to share the vision for Africa to the next generation! [that makes me sound so OLD]
So, God is good, I am just having one great interaction after another with the people I meet. Even today I had a lovely chat with the bus driver. I find myself being much more friendly and interactive with strangers!
Sawa. Bas. - that's "Okay, enough" in Swahili.
I miss speaking swahili!!!!

Tanzania part 3

2006-05-30T10:35:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone!
It is so nice to read all your comments! Things are going really well here. This past sunday we did a drama a church that really touched peoples hearts. They cheered at the casting down of sin and resurrection of Jesus. Several people mentioned afterward that they thought it was wonderful and it really "touched their heart". So I think our message of the love of Jesus is reaching them. At the end of the service one of the Msusa boys, Denis, turned to me and said "Elea, what is the difference between Spirit and Soul?" I was able to talk with him about the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives and the importance of the condition of our soul's eternality. I explained the entire salvation message to him. It was so wonderful to share like that and to see the seeking attitude that he and his brother Alex have. Please pray hard for this family, they are so close!!
Part of me is getting ready to go home. It is difficult to live in such a diverse group at times and it is impossible to be quite settled in a place when you are only there temporarily. So little things like rummaging constantly through your bag to get your stuff gets frustrating. I would say short term missions does not really give a person an idea of what long term missions would be like but you can begin to envision it ... and I think it would actually be easier because you wouldn't be going the way we are! We keep fairly busy...our friends here get very tired too so it is not North American laziness!!
I was going to save this for when I got home but maybe I'll share it anyway. This past week we had a bit of a health scare. NOT TO WORRY! [esspecially my parents!] We are all fine now.
Nyssa and I didn't drink enought water and were working higher up at the construction site on Tuesday. We ended up getting dehydrated. The result was rather different for each of us...Nyssa spent hours throwing up over and over [she counted 12 times!] and I only threw up once. But then I got up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom and my fever was so high that I passed out. Everyone heard the bang on the [nasty] floor of the washroom and yelled at me to unlock the door. Finally I came to and was able to unlock the door. But only to blackout again against Beth's knees. I could hear them panicing and trying to revive me in my sub conscious state. Finally I came back but had the biggest scare of my life. My body must have gone into some sort of shock because as I was hyperventilating I realized I could not move my hands or part of my legs. My hands look like they had been paralyzed or something because they were all twisted and I couldn't open them. The muscles were so tense and twisted. I could push the fingers open and wiggle my toes but I was scared. I couldn't understand what would cause it. Eventually they got me cooled down and after a while I was able to get onto a chair and then slowly the use of my hands came back.
The beauty of the whole situation was that much of the community came together and stayed awake for hours at the house just to be with us and pray for us. You know you are safe when you are surrounded by the community of Christ. What's more is that all the Mamas were storming the gates of Heaven for us! Every few minutes, in my confused state I would see the hand of Mama Msusa or Mama Mchungaji reach out to me and I could hear they're prayers of fire. It was the most reassuring feeling. I realized that for all our hospitals and emergency vehicles in Canada I'd rather be sick in Africa where they set you in the hands of God. We both came of perfect recovery because of the prayers and support of God's community of believers here. Even the Hamiltons [missionaries on the island] came in to be with us. Chris suffered an extremely dangerous two hour boat ride across the Lake Victoria. We are talking about a small canoe-like boat on huge wave where when they landed from one wave the next crashed over them. But she came anyway to care for us because she is a certified nurse with expert experience in tropical diseases. We were so blessed by her visit as it meant we got to know her and learned so much from her stories [at least the others did...Nyssa and I were in bed the whole time!]
SO, God is very good to us!
I have a sweet moment to share with you too! I held the most adorable baby named Love yesterday. She was so sweet but had dirty torn clothes on. She just sat cuddled in my arms and eventually fell asleep. I began to wonder if the children here are simply held in love very often. Everyone is so good at throwing the baby on their back but I have to wonder if they are just held. At any rate it was so good to pour love into this little girl. Her two siblings were already two of my favourites. Shakila and Gidi. They are so beautiful I wish I could bring them home with me forever.
I think this is it now. It will probably be my last chance at the internet.
I am very excited to see everyone when I get back and show you some traditional dress and share the many wonderful stories I have! This land is beautiful in geography and people so I will be glad to show you pictures too!
Praise the Lord I got into Western Mom! It is a relief to know. Question: where will I live if I take the job in Toronto?? It'd be nice to get something in Burlington, I don't want to move and extra time!!
Thanks for the email about the Counting Crows Meesh!! I am soooo stoked for that too Mand!!
So, I will see you all next Wednesday...ahhhh!
Nakupenda [I love you!]
Elea

Tanzania part 2

2006-05-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

Africa is amazing! I think I could live here. The people we are meeting are so wonderful and welcoming. Our friends here have become very dear to us and we to them. Mchungaji [Pastor Cleo] is such a great man of God, I find myself admiring him so much. Our hosts are treating us wonderously but you can pray for the father. He tends to drink at nights and comes home very happy wanting to buy us all CocaCola or Fanta but really it is a struggle for the family. He, Bwana Msusa, is a Catholic but his wife is Protestant. Pray we can reach out to them.
We have been doing home visits throughtout the community. One Mama has AIDS and could really use your prayers. Her daughter Augustina is a good friend of Editaha our close friend and Mchungaji's daughter.
Yesterday as we visited 3 new families that the church had not met yet and invited them to church on Sunday. They all said they would attend. We think that one man has AIDS so please pray that they all come and for him in particular, his name is John.
You can also pray for our team. For continued unity and God's grace. We are having some difficulties in that we don't know what the next day's plans are until the evening before. This means it is difficult to prepare. My internet time is about to run out so...thank you for your prayers and please continue. We are doing well!
Love and miss you all.
Elea

Arrived at last

2006-05-16T12:09:00.000-04:00

Jambo good friends!
We have arrived safely in AFRICA! It was a long 20 hours of travelling and 31 hours overall.
I am so blessed to be here. The home they have provided for us to stay in is beautiful. They put so much effort into getting us real beds with thick matresses and everything is so clean and beautiful. We even have couches! But more important than that are the people here. They are so beautiful. Already we have made great friends. I had a chance to talk to Pastor Cleo on our 6 hour bus ride from Entebbe to Bakoba. He has such a kind spirit and clearly loves the Lord. The mamas that cook for us are terrific. Not only in their cooking but they have been teaching us Swahili. Beth, Lory and I sat outside in their cooking area and they taught us several new words. It is great just to be with them. We also have 3 young people with us wherever we go. They are Adita [Cleo's daughter], Charles and Alex. Adita is very quiet and serves us well. Charles is very talkative and likes to laugh. He helps us to learn Swahili too. Alex is also very quiet but smiles often. Our AIM representative, Forrest has been such a help too. He is helping us to understand and organize everything. He is also a terrific interpreter.
There is so much to tell you. But the most moving for me here has been the Welcome we have received. We introduced ourselves and gave a litte word when we first met everyone in the home. I had already been so touched by their generosity in the welcome and accomodations that I couldn't make it through...yes, I cried! I am so happy!
So, things are going well. Sorry I can't say too much, and the internet is so slow that I thought a blog was a better update than an attempt at email. I love you all greatly but have found a home and family with these people.
Praise be to God.
Elea

Tanzania

2006-05-12T16:32:00.000-04:00

Meet my Tanzania Missions Team:

Chris, Beth, Lory, Elea, Mary Lynn, Ashley, Nyssa and Irene.
Yes...only one boy, fortunately he's married to Beth! We are all very excited to be going on this trip and believe God has great things in store. Our hope is to be a blessing to the Wahaya people in Bakoba, Tanzania but we know they they will inevitably teach us more than we can give them!
Do pray for us as we venture into an unexplored territory. If you read my blog regularly you'll know I enjoy a good adventure! I believe this will be an incredible experience and feed my love for travel and interest in the world all the more. Our need for protection and team unity is essential so you can be praying in those areas.
Our team is also still in some need of financial support but we are going in good faith that God will provide the funds while we're away. You can pray for that too and if you are led, even donate by sending a cheque to: Tyndale University College and Seminary, 25 Ballyconnor Crt., Toronto, ON, M2M 4B3. Addressed to "Tyndale University and College" with Tanzania Trip-Elea on the memo line.
If I get a chance at the Internet while there I will try to post how the trip is going. Otherwise there are sure to be pictures and stories posted on my return. We will be sending our parents updates and are having them forward those messages on. If you would like to be added to that list let me know...before tomorrow!
Much love to you all!
Elea

Poker - great timing!

2006-04-27T01:22:00.000-04:00

Tonight I learned how to play poker - now that the year is over and I won't be able to play with anyone. That's okay. It's a good game, I'll find people...maybe I'll make a profession out of it and get rich fast. Riiiiight.

Searching for a dream world??

2006-04-15T18:18:00.000-04:00

I dislike big malls. In fact I'm not really into shopping in general. But today I had to drop in at the mall for something and I found myself feeling like a foreigner. I didn't really know what to do or where to go. I started to get really nervous and basically wanted to run out of there. It was a bit of an extreme reaction. Normally I can cope alright in a mall but as I walked down the hall all I could think was that the building represented everything I hate about society. Why couldn't I be walking down a little street in Greece with outside vendors and the sun shinning with kids kicking a ball around? Do I want a dream world? Am I impractical? Or is there really something better to be reached and my spirit won't rest till I find it? All too often I find myself saying, "there's got to be more, there must be something better than this" I'm convinced there is.

Screaming like a lunatic

2006-04-10T00:06:00.000-04:00

Funny/embaressing moment today...for starters Caitlyn McDonald was visiting so it was no wonder this sort of thing would happen to me. But she had been keeping my camera in her bag for me. So when she left for the bus it suddendly occured to me that she still had the camera in her bag. So I jumped up and started yelling "Caitlyn" as I ran down the halls of my apartment and outside down the street in my BARE feet. She was already half way to Finch so I had to keep yelling, and she couldn't hear me.
So you can picture me screaming like a lunatic as I run down the street like a bafoon. Of course, as my luck runs, there was a random old man just standing there watching me do all this - laughing at me! And he just HAD to comment! He plugged his ears and pointed at my feet and said something I didn't quite hear.
Then when Caitlyn finally turned around and said "look on the table in your apartment. I took it out." I felt like an even bigger idiot and just started laughing. Then I had to pass the old man again and he said "ohhh you just wanted to wave goodbye once more eh?" and I said "No, I actually just wanted an excuse to run around in my bare feet." Then we both laughed and he said "oh then go run around the block!"
Then I proceeded to run over the pine needles which hurt my feet and I had to go around to the front of the building to get in because I didn't have my key card to get in.
And Hannah locked me out of the house!
What an adventure! That's just the way my life goes.

A-Z

2006-04-06T23:57:00.000-04:00

In the name of Adventure, last Saturday my buddy Jon Eastman and I went went about our little 5 block radius [or so] taking pictures of things A thru Z. This is what we came up with...although many more ingenius ideas passed through our heads, not everything is possible...
A: I think this speaks for itself.

B: Black beads on a branch.
C: Crushed cardboard cup
D: Dance...this is the Arcona dance in particular. Rather embaressing!
E: Evergreen. After much searching...in the telephone book for something exciting, we settled on this tree... F: Frozen Folgers. If you go to Mac's maybe it will still be in there...we heard it's better frozen anyway.
G: Garbage...you can never go wrong with a classic garbage shot.
H: Hose..because at this point we were taking waaayyy too long to decided on letter images! And it's random.
I: Isolation. It's a touch dark but that suits the mood...Jon...in isolation...but it looks like he's just peeing in the corner.
J: Jail. If you look closely you'll see a cop's lights coming up...I nearly got sent to jail for going on these people's property...I guess the man inside wasn't sleeping afterall.
J...also: J-walking. Where the J is for either whatever it means in J-walking or Jon...walking. hahaha. oh aren't we witty! But this was ridiculous because it was so hard to get a shot of him crossing the street with the cars in it. As soon as he could walk there were no cars - obviously!
K: Kumon. This is a shout out to all the Asian kids who become math geeks because of this wonderful service...and then they kill you in Calculus and Chemistry class! Poor white kids!
L: Light. Lamp. Whatever. It's classic. And much like wearing black, you can never go wrong with it.
M: Motorized mobile vehicle. This was randomly parked in the parking lot down the road. We were going to break in but didn't want another cops episode.
N: New York Times, The. As the lable clearly states. It's a newspaper.
O: Oil spot. 'Nuff said.
P: Pool. And a nasty bacteria infested one at that! I could actually smell the murky water from where I was standing.
Q: Queer. Little known fact: Trevor is queer. R: Row. Yes, we are rowing with mops we found near the dumpster behind the apartment building. We got pretty far! Until some ladies caught us...that was awkward.
S: "Shit-head" Now you'll have to excuse my French there but those were his words...not ours. We were just trying to "scare" him!
T: Tollerton Ave. This is probably the best known street in the Greater Toronto Area. Everything hot that happens is on Tollerton Ave. Seriously!
U: Up. This was actually an excuse to get inside and get warm for a while. We were starting to freeze outside. Jon more than me because I made him carry the camera and neither of us had gloves. Yeah, i'm not nice.
V: Vanessa the Ventriloquist. Okay, so she isn't a ventriloquist but she hates having her picture taken and just look at that!! She must have a crush on Jon. JUST KIDDING. Sorry Vaness.

W: Water...Hannah wanted to be H but we didn't allow that..just too easy. So she crawled out of her window and we took this picture. She makes a good water drinker. X: X-Men...yes we went to visit the girls just to get this photo...shhh don't tell them we were using them!

Y: York, Yell, the Y-shape. Yes, Nathan was yelling at us in his York shirt with his arms in the shape of a Y.

Z: Zipper. Okay, so maybe this is a little awkward but you know, we're all good friends right! For the Record, NATHAN took the croch shot...not me.

Now you know your ABCs next time we'll do a "race" edition...just think of the possibilities! Asian...Black...Caucasion...Dutch [not really a race]...etc.

Untitled.

2006-03-24T23:30:00.000-05:00

My Uncle is having major surgery next weekend that could easily kill him. I'm scared. I only realized the severity of this surgery last weekend. Faced with his mortality I suddenly realize how much I love him - how much he actually means in my life.
So this Sunday all the family is getting together at their place. It's kind of sick though...like we're having a pre-funeral party. What am I supposed to say? "Goodbye Uncle. I love you, hope you don't die." ??
Suffice to say, this is harder than I thought. Every time I think about him or this Sunday tears brim my eyes. If you know me, I don't cry or at there are very few things that make me cry. I avoid it. I don't know why, I probably hate the vulnerability or the idea that something has that kind of power over me. The point is that my awareness of my feelings in this has come as a bit of a surprise to me.
Sometimes I hate life but it turns out I don't fancy other people dying so much either.

to die.

2006-03-22T14:06:00.000-05:00

Maybe our drive to live and survive is not because of the fear of death or the love of life.

Maybe it has evolved from the pain of watching others die.

"And I'm thining of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die...
So who's going to watch you die?"

Spontaneous Adventure

2006-03-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

Characters you should know:
ELEA - HANNAH - JONATHAN

After some convincing and promises of adventure, the one-time-dress-alike roommates, Elea and Hannah, convinced the delectable lad, Jon Gordon, to rise from the chesterfield and peel his sore eyes away from t.v. Their journey began the only way an appropriate adventure does...with the right theme music. This selection was made by Jonathan who exposed the lovely ladies to some pop sing-a-long music and they took off.

Destination One: The Black Sheep [on Young St]
After parking the car they crept through a narrow alley; the dirty walls nearly closing in on them. Fortunately, Hannah had spun around some poles before entering the alley - successfully warding off any dangers. Upon immerging into the open air of the sidewalk they entered the bar. After finding the perfect seat for thre,e Elea and Hannah attended the bar to order the previously promised "drink concoction" which turned out to be "Liquid Cocaine". As they basked in the burn of the shot in their throat it was realized that the asian bartender had the hots for Jon. So, the girls slipped her his number and off they popped for part two of their adventure.

Destination Two: McDonalds
What would their adventure have been without a McDonalds cheeseburger run? It being double cheeseburger day and all, Jon had already had his fill four times over. So only Elea and Hannah were in need of a cheeseburger fix. Well, the line was long on account of there being only one cashier. But a line up is never exhausting while chatting with friends so they were patient. The same could not be said for the gentleman waiting behind them. He was perhaps a little "off" as so many along Young St are. Finally he said, "Hey ladies, I'll buy you each a cheeseburger if you let me go ahead of you." Such a stroke of providence! Hannah, intrigued by the man's giving nature pursued his name and so they met DANNY...After receiving their FREE cheeseburgers they enjoyed a nice sit down where they exposed past crush secrets but...we'll end that part of the story right there.

Destination Three: Korean Karaoke
This motely crew of three incredibly white people thought their adventure should end with a little culture. And so they paid a visit to a nearby Korean Karaoke joint.
Naturally they expected a typical karaoke bar as one would find in any other white town but they were startlingly wrong. Upon entrance they thought they were in a tanning or message salon.
Their ignorance was soon corrected as the kind korean youth explained in his best broken english how the whole system worked. As you can see the party "rents" a room with its own personal televisions ->

and a giant sign with the song listings...all in Korean writing.

Then there are benches around one end of the room where the group can sit

and be served drinks AND...they even have tambourines [or "timbrels" if

you're Sally

Anne]. So Elea played the tambourine and Jonathan sang his heart out. -->

Wanting to fully experience Korean karaoke culture, and not knowing a

stich of Korean [except for "hello" and a few swear words Elea once learnt] they requested a song sung by the young man working there. Alas he conceeded and, still being embaressed, closed the door and proceeded to treat them to a KOREAN RAP! It may have been one of the most hilarious moments of their lives. Promising to return and actually rent a room next time they left.

And that was the end of their adventure. Upon parting the threesome promised to have many more adventures in the future. It was the beginning of a beatiful thing...

Won a trip to the BAHAMAS!! - or not!

2006-03-09T22:01:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I went to the British Isles Show at the Queen Elizabeth Center. It was so great to see many reminders of my home away from home. It was also great to pick up a couple of the British treats that can not be found in Canada without great effort and of course, my beloved Irn Bru.
When we exited the show we filled out ballots for some trip to Florida and the Bahamas. I never win draws so I didn't think much of it. But TODAY amidst my sickness of the flu...they called and said I WON!!!! What the crap! But then they wanted to check some eligibilty information and they were like so you're 21 - "yes, that's correct" And you have checked off that you have a VISA card - "what? no. I don't. I don't have any credit card." Then she proceeded to tell me[suddenly dryly] that I checked that off. WHY IN HELL WOULD I DO THAT? I don't have a VISA card or any other credit card so clearly I wouldn't check off that I do. Anyway, she was just like, okay have a good night. "yeah you too." FRIG. For the love of credit and debt! I could have been on my way to the BAHAMAS! I guess I can't say I never win anymore. pff. Damn you VISA.

"Reading" Week.

2006-02-25T17:31:00.000-05:00

Good things this last week and a half or so...

For starters: BEN ST. LOUIS!
Perhaps you've heard the hype regarding this Ottawa fellow. I certainly have from my two beloved roommates April and Mand. Their affection for him is infectious to the point where I was excited when they got an email from him. SO...he came to visit us last weekend. Suffice to say...he lived up to all my expectations. Isn't he pretty!?

Next stop: Barrie - THE CAMPBELLS
I used to babysit for this family when I lived in Woodbridge. In fact, I half lived there it seemed. I learnt invaluable lessons from them and now that they've been living in Barrie for the last 4 years they've become all the more precious to me. The kids are the most loving, well-behaved ever, and the parents are dear friends to me who bestow wisdom and assurance like no other.

It wouldn't be complete without: JON GORDON AND MIKE COLES
Oh these boys are two of my favourites!! Time spent at the Gordon household is always great. From playing the "Home Improvements" board game while watching the Colbert Report to getting lost in the woods and being chased by dogs - it's an adventure. Unfortunately I have no pictures of our actual adventures for lack of camera so I've stuck in this stellar pic from NN. And as an added bonus I got to see my buddy Mike Coles even when I didn't have notes for him to copy! To everyone who's wondering, he's doing well...pretty as ever. Again...no pictures so I've had to make do.

Last but not least: Burlington - HOME WITH THE HOFMANS
It's always good to see the Fam. My mom finally let me drive!! Kudos to you mom. Went out to a movie, out for dinner with the Pops and the Kid [Larissa, my younger sister] is always a slice to hang out with. Here's an example of us "play fighting" at Christmas.

What's more: JENNA - JETTA - JET...
She's a love of my life. One who is all too infrequent but nevertheless a treasure. We went out to see a movie together...of course we took a wrong exit on the way back [she's good at that!] I can't get enough time with that girl. These are pictures from camp - not our movie date but you get the idea.

And that was my "reading break". No reading done. Yikes. That will have to be Monday.
Oh, and lucky for me...Brian Stiller spoke at my parent's church on Sunday. WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?! Figures the one Sunday I am home he would follow me there...geez.

Well, I think it's about time to "WRAP IT UP B!"

Proof

2006-02-20T23:55:00.000-05:00

I just watched the movie Proof and was left with a desire to be excellent in something - anything, just to have that passion. Sometimes I feel like I'm "good" at a lot of different things but I don't excel beyond in anything. So where does that leave me? Somewhere on the plane of mediocrity.
I suppose this could be corrected if I found what really drove me, something I can be excited about. I'm not sure I know what that is yet. I think this damn internet gets in the way of my devotion to the things I love. It is so easy to sit on the internet for great lengths and talk to people - maybe I should give up msn for lent. haha. But seriously, I know the answer to this and all my other "problems" is to redevelop my relationship with God - which by the way has been terribly lacking. It sounds so cliche but I guess there is a reason things become cliche - because they're true.

My 5 Weird Habits...

2006-02-13T18:30:00.000-05:00

Some time ago, my lovely roommate Amanda decided I should be tagged to publicly share my weirdness - some sick internet game I suppose. Thanks Mand!
So this is the deal as I understand it, I am to share 5 of my weird habits and then "tag" 5 other people.
Here we go...
Weird Habit #1:
I am convinced that one day I will find a dead body and have to secure the area and call it in to authorities. This is the result of watching far too much CSI over the years. But still, I have a habit of scanning river banks and checking dumpsters before I throw any garbage in them.

#2:
I talk to myself outloud. Full conversations...back and forth. I've even corrected myself within these conversations and then responded with something like "yeah, but you know what I mean". I think it might be the result of years of entertaining myself...even though I'm not an only child I am the middle. Those middle kids tend to get lost...I am also rather animated when I talk online...I laugh outloud...talk back to the computer etc. Just ask my roommates...they have a tendancy to watch and laugh.

#3:
I regularly have to delete the junk mail in my email account. Most people just let them sit there and allow Hotmail to do it's thing and delete them...but no, not me. I have to delete them myself otherwise it irritates me.

#4:
Okay, perhaps this one isn't so weird as it is characteristic of me. One of my favourite things to do is curl up in bed and listen to my music through headphones while reading the lyrics out of the cd insert. But sometimes the artists take the liberty of putting pictures of themselves inside but no lyrics...as if I wanted to look at them instead of focusing on their music!

#5:
I have a tendancy to get really awkward...as a result I just make jokes - probably a common response. But then I state the fact that things are awkward, with phrases such as "well this is awkward" or "AWKWARD for YOU!" or "Awkward for ME!" Then of course we all just laugh or it gets more awkward...

So...hope that is satisfactory. I guess I'm supposed to tag 5 other people. But so many others have been tagged already...
Jesse James - http://spaces.msn.com/jessejamesshome/blog/
"ICaptainClaudius" - www.xanga.com/ICaptainClaudius
Kyle Pitman - www.chesterfieldmcfisticuffs.blogspot.com
Pamela Hoskins - www.xanga.com/Pamelaaaa
Jenna Kessler - www.xanga.com/HumiliatedPlum

On Hannah

2006-02-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

I love my roommate Hannah. She regularly makes me double over in laughter saying things such as...
"off you pop" and "thrice you have called me that" and her funny "helluuuu" and "thanking you muchly" and "would you mosey on over here". Or the way she swings her arms like a farmer's dance or clatters a commotion in the kitchen or at times seems completely oblivious to what's going on [we usually just say "clouds" at such a time] or the fact that she thinks it's hilarious to put things in people's beds - in particular her enormous clown-ish shoes.
What's more is the fact that these silly mannerisms and phrases have inflitrated our very being and become a part of our own vocabulary and action. Today she turned up the music in her room [as she was supposed to be working on a paper] and proceeded to sing her heart out with the songs. Not so uncommon except that it was to the tunes of such artists as Josh Groban and Evanesence. This went on for at least half an hour. And sorry to say, no offense my dear Hannah, she wasn't terribly on key.
Through all this she is completely genuine, the kind of girl you know will be there for you in a flash. One you'll never forget. One who will talk and listen in equal ratios; who knows when to comfort and when to make you laugh.
And of course, her HOT British accent means that every boy you introduce her to will be in love with her the next day. [believe me its happened several times...hahaha...some of you reading this may have experienced it no less!!] But we never begrudge her a moment because she'll always be our "Brit"

EDIT: After writing this post Hannah came running to say "look in April's bed" she had put an iron under her covers. Of course by the time April found it the water had leaked out onto the bed. Did I mention her pranks always go awry??!!

EDIT 2: After making that edit, Hannah walked in the room and said "I've put something else in her bed" 1 minute later April broke out in laughter and walked into the living room with a framed picture of Hannah swing dancing and a note that said..."Helluuu April!"

Calm amongst the Storm, or so it would seem

2006-02-06T13:54:00.000-05:00

Today was a disaster! I was supposed to have an interview in Mississauga for a summer job. My attempt at taking a GO bus there went completely awry. Everything that could go wrong when learning a new bus system DID! I was so mad and frustrated with myself but also somewhat with the rather unhelpful employees. I ended up missing the interview and simply wasting hours of my life and money.
But then God gave me some blessing. The man at customer service was quiet pleasant and fully refunded my ticket, which is normally non-refundable. $12. oo I would have lost!
It seems God just knows when to help you out. Ideally I would have had perfect timing with the buses and made it to the interview all right. But that didn't happen. Admist my anger of the situation God was teaching me to see the good anyway and not be so frustrated with myself. I realized he might have special plans for me this summer that I just don't know anything about yet.

The Faithful Roommate

2006-02-04T00:21:00.000-05:00

Funny story - The other day, after a rough sleep, I got up to turn the wretched alarm off and after one step fell flat on the floor. My one leg had gone completely limp and I was un able to use it for any sort of support. So as I sat there momentarily helpless with the alarm continuing to ring my roommate April sat up and the following transpired...
April: "What's going on?"
Elea: "I fell!"
April: "Are you okay?"
Elea: "uh, not really."
April: "Okay."
AND THEN SHE WENT BACK TO SLEEP. Thanks April...you're a real pal.

Farewell Inspiron 6000

2006-01-30T00:50:00.000-05:00

I've been spoiled this weekend with access to a rather nice laptop that picks up a strong internet signal from anywhere in the apartment. This has only been because Wes left it here last week. Tomorrow morning I must say goodbye and leave it in the hands of its rightful owner - although it's been good while it lasted. I'm afraid the desire to replace this beautiful machine with one of my own has increased. I wish I had the money for it. Maybe I should work really hard at some job and then use that money to buy one?? I dunno.

It should be a band's obligation.

2006-01-18T22:21:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of bands producing albums and failing to include the lyrics on the insert. I make the commitment of actually purchasing their CD when I could just as easily and certainly cost effectively download all their music instead. The least they could do is have the decency to include lyrics. Don't they realize that my favourite thing to do with a new CD is sit back and listen to the whole album while reading the lyrics?! They steal my joy! Additionally, I think a prominent factor in musical taste should be a conscious attention to the lyrics. So what does the artist say when he fails to include these in the insert??
It puts me, as an appreciator of a given band, in a fine predicament when they fail me so. I get a second's rush of spite for them when they do this but I so greatly enjoy the music nonetheless...and I can listen to the lyics without them being written down. So all in all it's unfortunate. To all aspiring artist reading this: Include your lyrics!!

Reality or Illusion?

2006-01-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

It is interesting to observe the passage of time. When I think back to where I was and who I was only a year ago, I suddenly realize that so much has changed. That year is overwhelmingly full of unexpected happenings. If seems cheesy to say it but when I think of the people I've met, the places I've been - it all amazes me. And then I realize it has only been a year! I find I have risen higher than I imagined in some areas and fallen to depths I thought I wouldn't see in others. But that is the wave of life.
It is when I think of these things that I feel as though I'm in a blurr we name "life". It is all so surreal. In fact this is something I've noticed more and more lately, that I often wonder if what I'm experiencing is real. I remember watching the movie "Big Fish" and afterward my first thoughts had been along those lines...how do we know that the things we experience around us everyday are real? I suppose this is a question many have tried to deal with...even the bigwigs like Plato, Aristotle, Descartes...and many others.